


healing and patience are lovers

by wyttoleff



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 7x09, Deke Shaw deserves better, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, no time loop though!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:20:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25597951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyttoleff/pseuds/wyttoleff
Summary: Daisy has yet to come to terms with the feelings she's developing for Daniel Sousa, but a chat with her best friend puts her on the right track.
Relationships: Deke Shaw & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Skye | Daisy Johnson/Daniel Sousa
Comments: 10
Kudos: 114





	healing and patience are lovers

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'easier said' by alessia cara.  
> based on and contains direct dialogue from 7x09 'as i have always been.'  
> tw: doctors/doctors appointment, non-descriptive mentions of blood, implied mention of vomit.  
> not beta read, forgive any mistakes (:

Daniel has been glued to Daisy’s side since they picked him up, though she’s only realised since being in the healing pod. She’s not entirely sure what inside his head persuades him to stick beside her, but she’s grateful for his presence nonetheless. 

“It’s rather sweet, if you ask me,” Simmons proclaims quietly, redressing the wound on Daisy’s neck. 

Daisy didn’t ask, but Jemma’s admission brings a faint blush across her cheeks. She’s only really known the man for a few days, a week at most, but he’s so enthralling and kind and genuinely helpful, she can’t help the budding attachment that’s bound to grow. She’s never seen the appeal in the 1950s fantasies everybody seems to have in her time, because she’s aware of the problematic concepts behind those ideations. Maybe the 50s aesthetic is attractive, but she can’t roll with the misogyny and racism. Daniel Sousa however, he seems to be something entirely different. He’s all of a 50s gentleman with none of the white male superiority. He’s kind and he’s gentle and he’s chivalrous, and he respects Daisy’s strength, and he respects Jemma’s genius, and he respects May’s power, and he respects Yoyo’s resilience. He has an insurmountable respect for every single team member. Daisy’s glad he’s here.

“Don’t think I can’t read the look on your face, Daisy Johnson, you are an open book to me,” Jemma starts speaking again, only half succeeding in bringing her out of her thoughts. “You like Agent Sousa, don’t you?”

“Jemma, I think you’re allowed to call him Daniel by now, considering it seems like he’s gonna be in this for the long haul.”

“You like  _ Daniel _ then, you’re not gonna get away trying to change the subject, you wally.”

“Of course I like Daniel, he’s a team player. I don’t tend to make it a habit disliking the people who play for us.”

“If you keep stalling, I’ll leave your other wounds to get infected from dirty bandages.”

“And I might be intimidated by your threat if I didn’t know you would never do anything to harm me,” Daisy retorts, very blatantly continuing to stall, despite being called out on it. The truth is that she’s afraid. Afraid for herself, and for Daniel. She lost a love once, and she’ll continue to blame herself for Lincoln’s death until she either passes away herself or miraculously finds Lincoln alive somewhere. The fear is partially fear of losing another love; Daisy hasn’t yet been ready to open herself up to another person in that way, terrified of the pain of loss. And she’s afraid for Daniel; she’s not senseless, she knows that she’s got bad luck in that department, and furthermore, she knows that the bad luck is her. She doesn’t want to dig his grave by falling for him. “I’ve got bad luck in that department, Jemma,” she confesses, finally allowing herself to voice the reasons for her apprehension to her best friend. “I’m just not ready…”

“You don’t have bad luck. Ward was an enormous arsewipe; that is nothing to do with luck. He made that choice himself and he screwed us all over. The only person who deserves blame for that is the wanker in question. That isn’t your fault. And Lincoln–“ 

If the topic was any less sensitive, Daisy might’ve paused the entire conversation just to make fun of Jemma’s Britishness.

“Lincoln died for me, Jemma. He gave his life so I wouldn’t have to. We all know it was supposed to be me. Stop acting like it wasn’t. His blood is on my hands. I don’t want–“ she cuts herself off, realising that if she says she doesn’t want the same for Daniel, that Jemma will take that as a confession in itself. Daisy hasn’t yet come to terms for her feelings for Daniel, or maybe she has but won’t allow herself to do anything other than push them down and pretend like there’s nothing there. He’s a good, honest man who doesn’t deserve the fate he’ll receive if he ends up with Daisy. 

Jemma momentarily stops tending to Daisy’s wounds, concern for her mental wellbeing taking a temporary priority over her physical state. “Daisy,” she says softly, touching her arm with a gentle hand, “you’re allowed to love. Love has no rules and it has no pattern. It’s just a feeling. It comes packed together with pain and grief, but that isn’t exclusive to you and it isn’t exclusive to the job. Everybody loves and everybody grieves. If you don’t allow yourself to love because you’re too afraid to grieve, then I’m afraid it’s not much of a life.”

“I can’t take another heartbreak,” she finally admits. Before Jemma can reply, a new thought surfaces in Daisy’s mind, surrounding the mentioned topic of heartbreak. “God,” she sighs, covering her eyes with her fingertips, tugging gently at the skin around her eyes. “What am I gonna tell Deke?”

The seemingly random mention of her grandson causes Jemma to flinch like Daisy’s dropped a bombshell piece of information on her. “Wha– Deke? What’s Deke got to do with it?”

“He’s had a crush on me since we met,” Daisy says simply as if Jemma already knows. She’d noticed her grandson acting weird around Daisy, but… he acts weird around everyone, so she didn’t label it. “I don’t want to upset him or make him feel… inadequate. He’s a member of our team, and he’s my friend, and I value him as a person, I just…”

“Don’t see him in that way,” Jemma finishes Daisy’s sentence with ease. “Deke will live, Daisy. Rejection is a part of life. He’ll be upset at first, but he’s a good man and he’ll understand.”

“I don’t want to reject him. I think he already feels… unimportant among us...”

“Unliked,” Jemma continues sadly. “I wish there was a way we could spoil him, make him feel loved. There’s just no time.”

“Do you think I should have a talk with him? Let him know that I love him, just not in that way,” Daisy suggests, feeling her heart clench for Deke. She does love him, but it was never going to be in a romantic way. He’s her best friend's grandson, which is weird enough as it is considering the lack of age gap between him and Simmons. The thing about Deke, that absolutely all of them are missing by this point, is he’s still in tact with his inner child. He’s been through hell and back, as all of them have, and somehow he still manages to be a giant child and that’s often a good thing. His big heart and childish nature makes him easy to be around, though it can sometimes make working difficult. Whether it’s because of his upbringing– not being able to just be a kid in the lighthouse– or because everything about the world is still so new and fresh, he’s like a super intelligent pre-teen, and though it is something Daisy likes about him, it’s not something she could ever see herself falling in love with. He’s like a little brother. 

“I think that would be best. But for now, tell me about Daniel while I’m finishing up,” Jemma demands, getting back to doctoring Daisy. 

Daisy suddenly finds herself momentarily unable to speak, internally swooning over Agent Sousa. Jemma fiercely disproved every reason Daisy was manufacturing to keep herself from falling, and it worked. Now her heart feels like it’s growing three sizes in her chest, like that one scene in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. She hasn’t felt this for a long time, not since falling in love with Lincoln. She’s still fearful that falling in love with Daniel Sousa will be signing his death certificate, but if Jemma Simmons has reason to believe that pursuing her undeniable feelings is a good idea, Daisy’s willing to trust her. Always willing to trust Simmons with anything. She’s never been wrong before. 

She spends the last few minutes of her check up trying and ultimately failing to explain the way she felt when she woke up and saw Daniel still beside her. In the end, she gives up, because Simmons knows what she’s trying to say. Simmons has been through the whole falling in love thing, not realising there’s when feelings there until the timing is just wrong. Anything even remotely romantic and tragic, Simmons has done it. And Daisy truly believes the timing is wrong for her and Daniel– if he even returns the all-encompassing  _ like _ . They’re on a time travel mission to save the entire planet and future from alien robots. What possible way could time be worse for a potential budding romance? Still, Fitz waited until he and Simmons were half dead at the bottom of the ocean with minimal chance of survival. Simmons waited until Fitz was off on a risky mission to fight Inhumans, and then when he returned and all was well, she got sucked into a portal rock and teleported to Hydra planet for six months. Since then they’ve been separated by four things that Daisy can think of off the top of her head– AIDA, the second monolith, Fitz’s (albeit brief) death, and of course, whatever is currently keeping the two apart. 

Maybe there’s no such thing as the right time, maybe you just have to take what you can get. 

Daisy is extremely appreciative of that fact that she is facing the doorway to the med room, because it allows her to shut up immediately when she sees a shadow moving towards the room. Especially when the shadow embodies a person, and that person is the apparent man of the hour, Daniel Sousa himself. “Am I early?” he asks politely, staying in the doorway for a quick exit. He’s pointedly not looking at Daisy, who is still sitting there in her bra and gym leggings. “I can come back later,” he tells the floor. 

“No, you’re fine, we’re finished here,” Daisy answers even though he was probably asking the actual doctor. She replaces her t-shirt on her body, and gives Jemma a well-deserved hug. “Thanks for everything,” she whispers, and kisses her cheek when she pulls away. 

She smiles sweetly at Daniel on her way out, and he returns it, though the sweetness is more in his eyes than his smile. Again, Daisy feels a little giddy. He’s just so enthralling, she can’t help it. 

Leaving the med bay, she heads for wherever she might find Deke, which means miraculously pushing down the butterflies she felt after seeing Daniel. She’s already made a decision that may be counteractive to what Simmons said, but she can’t imagine being happy pursuing someone if it’s making Deke miserable. 

Daisy finds Deke in the command room, standing by a discussion between Coulson and Mack. “Deke, do you mind if I talk to you in the LMD lab?”

He’s Deke so he doesn’t mind at all, and he follows her to the lab, becoming increasingly nervous as a result of the serious tone she’d spoken in. “Is anything wrong?” he asks when she closes the door to the lab behind them. 

“Um, no. I want your opinion– well, yeah, it’s sort of your opinion on something.” He gives her the go ahead face she was expecting and so she continues, “The thing is, that you’re my friend Deke. You’re a valued member of the team, and you’re my friend. So I wanted to just check with you because I don’t feel right doing anything that could potentially hurt your feelings.”

Deke’s confused, to say the least. Partially. He doesn’t know what she’s saying or how she thinks it’s relevant to her point, but he does somehow understand her actual point. “Is this about Agent Sousa?”

“No! I–“ she blanches, not having expected Deke to be able to read her like Simmons can. “How did you know?”

“I just sort of figured. I saw him when he decided to stay on board. Saw him refuse to leave your side after Malick. He’s got a real soft spot for you, Daisy.”

Once again, she feels her feelings rising inside her, mostly feelings for Daniel, but also a reasonable amount of appreciation for the way Deke appears to be handling this. “I just wanted to–“

“Daisy,” he stops her there before she can go on. “You don’t have to. It’s not my business.”

“Yeah, but I felt bad–“

“You shouldn’t. I’m a grown man and I understand feelings, Daisy. You can’t help what you feel. I’m not going to sulk because the girl I like doesn’t like me back. I’ll get over it. I appreciate your concern for my feelings but you really don’t owe me anything. If you like Daniel, you should obviously go for it. He  _ clearly _ likes you, and who could blame him? You are pretty magnificent,” Deke says straight from the heart. He’d gotten over the rejection ages ago when she didn’t appreciate the lemon gesture. He was upset for a while, and to this day, unable to stop feeling for her, but it’s a crush, and it’ll go away eventually. Even if it doesn’t, it isn’t so bad. Daisy deserves the love, even though she doesn’t reciprocate it. 

Daisy brings him into a bone-crushing hug. “You’re one of a kind, Deke Shaw,” she insists truthfully. “Must get that from your grandparents.”

Deke smiles into the hug. He usually resents comparisons to his Nana and Bobo, feeling incompetent next to both of their geniuses, but this specific comparison, he welcomes with gratitude. For maybe the second time since joining the team, he feels sufficient, and that’s not because Daisy considered his feelings before her own, but because somebody finally thinks he’s a true product of his grandparents. It doesn’t even matter to him that that person is Daisy. 

“Thank you Daisy,” he remarks, pulling out of her hug. “If we’re done here, I need to go find Nana.”

Daisy nods. 

Meanwhile, Jemma’s monitoring Daniel’s health back in the med bay. Surprisingly, and almost against all expectations, he’s entirely fit and healthy. “That is astounding,” Jemma mumbles, mostly to herself. “You’re in good health, Agent Sousa.” 

“Why do you sound stunned? I know I was born sixty years ago, but I’m not that old.”

“Well, I’m sure these are confusing times for you. When I was taken out of my own time and teleported to a future that was vastly different to what I was used to, it was extremely disorienting, and if I’d had less experience with alien concepts and situations, I’m sure it would’ve taken a toll on my physical health. Deke had high blood pressure for weeks while adapting to our time,” she explains, and shows him his results on a SHIELD tablet, demonstrating his wellness. “Pretty sure he spent a couple days keeled over the toilet.”

“I have so many questions about everything you’ve just said. You’ve time travelled before this mission? Deke’s not from your time?” Learning that Deke’s not from the same time period as the rest of the team makes a lot of sense when he thinks about it. He’s not noticed until now, but there’s definitely something different about Deke that the others don’t have in common, and it makes a lot of sense that he’d been raised in a different time to them. “How long has he been with you guys? He seems rather in sync with you now.. especially, with you, Dr Simmons.”

“It’s been a couple of years. We didn’t mean to bring him back with us, he was what you might call ‘collateral.’ He was kind enough to help us get home, and he accidentally got caught up in it. But I’m glad to have him around, especially now, when Fitz is gone. I’m really not sure how well I’d be coping if I didn’t have Deke around.”

“So you and Deke are close then. Do you know if he ever thinks about going home?” Daniel asks, beginning to think about his own home, about his friends and his life. He’d not had family since his father passed, and most of his friends were already dead by the time SHIELD brought him here. Being in the SSR, there wasn’t much time for friendships, and the majority of his coworkers were enormous asses. Jack Thompson included, but he’s someone Daniel considers to have been a close friend before his death. He thinks about Krzeminski and Dooley as well, both whom he’d never considered friends until he was mourning them. He thinks about Peggy, and how she might’ve reacted to the news of his own death, feels bad for making her mourn for him when he’s doing just fine. She’d always been so frightened of losing her loved ones, and she made it clear that he was well in that category. He feels guilty for leaving her without a goodbye, even if their relationship never made it past the first kiss. She was a true friend. 

“If you’re looking for someone who might understand what you’re going through, Deke would be the one to talk to about it,” Simmons offers kindly. “He’s only ever mentioned his home when referencing his own existence, so I can’t really tell you if he misses it or not. But I do know that it wasn’t much of a home to begin with, and I like to think he’s happier here. I think having family around helps, but we’re both missing Fitz now. I think it’s brought me and Deke closer together.”

“Family…?” Daniel repeats, not having caught on to their familial relationship yet. It’s not like he’d ever suspected anything other than genuine friendship.

“Deke’s mine and Fitz’s grandson.”

That’s just about as surprising as everything else that has happened to Daniel recently, so he’s beginning to get used to being confused. By now, especially cemented by this new information, he’s realised that anything is possible with these futuristic SHIELD agents, and he should give up trying to manage his expectations, because every time he thinks he’s walking on solid ground, he’s absolutely thrown off guard and back into an ocean of utter bewilderment. “Okay,” he replies, giving up on reacting. 

Agent Sousa’s check up is technically over, but Jemma likes to be prepared, and so she asks him, “How long do you think you’ll be staying with the team?” For Daisy’s sake, and because he’s genuinely delightful to be around, and super efficient to the mission, she hopes his answer is something long term. Besides, she’d personally like a chance to get to know the legendary Agent Sousa in a setting outside of a crucial mission where there’s absolutely no time for her to ask questions about his time. She wants Fitz to meet him as well.

“Well, I’ve got nowhere else to be. And this team… I guess you’re my only friends. So, however long the team wants me around, I’m here.”

“That’s good to hear, Agent Sousa. When this mission is over and we return to our time, I would like for you to be put in therapy to help you adjust, but we can get that sorted later. Oh, and we’re finished here, so you’re free to leave,” Jemma tells him, putting her equipment away. 

On his way out, he politely suggests that Simmons call him by his first name from now on, and Jemma returns the sentiment with a smile. Then he goes straight to the control room to find Daisy, eager to know what the doctor prescribed her. She finds him first though, the two of them almost colliding in the hallway between the med room and the control room.

“Oh! Sorry!” she apologises, steadying Daniel as he wobbles from the impact. “That was my fault, I wasn’t looking. I was just coming back for you actually.” Daisy doesn’t move her hand from Daniel’s arm and it’s warm over his shirt sleeve. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asks, voice all of a sudden small.

Daisy ends up leading Daniel back to her bunk, where they sit cross-legged across from each other, Daniel waiting patiently for her to say what she wanted to tell him. It’s such a contrast to when she first met him and he was at the end of his tether in terms of patience. The first thing he said to her was ‘Who the hell are you?,’ and shortly after, threatened to arrest her just for being there. He was good at his job, already suspicious of traitors within SHIELD, already riled up as a result of Jemma’s terrible Peggy Carter disguise. Daisy can’t blame him for being impatient that day, staring at her in his office with steely eyes until she thought she managed to deceive him. Even after producing her Deke-crafted CIA card, she could tell he was still apprehensive, and rightfully so. Not now he knows the truth though. His face is warm now when he looks at her, eyes gentle with a kind smile. Like Mack, like Fitz, like Coulson, even like herself, Daniel’s like another person outside of his work. They all have to wear a more aggressive exterior in their line of work, but Daniel’s breaks down so easily with her. He’s quickly dropped all formalities, and she doesn’t know if that's because of what she hopes or if it’s because of their shared experience with Nathaniel Malick. 

“Thank you for getting me out of that barn. You saved my life,” she finally speaks, starting with something that is only vaguely relevant to her intended point, but she has hope that the conversation will go where she wants. More hope when she sees the tenderness in Daniel’s eyes. “And I appreciate you staying by me when I was recovering as well. I know I was unconscious the whole time, but it’s still nice to have someone there.”

“I couldn’t have gotten us out of there if it wasn’t for you. I’ve rarely seen strength like yours before, Daisy. Let's call it a team effort.”

“I wasn’t that strong without my powers. I try to use them as a last resort when fighting, or if there’s just no time, but either way, it’s nice to have them there as a backup. When I realised I couldn’t quake, I didn’t know how we were going to get out of there alive.”

“That’s not the strength I was talking about. What Malick did to you, you could barely talk, couldn’t stand. I don’t know how you had the strength to sneak out a weapon, but without that persistence, Daisy, he would’ve killed us both,” Daniel explains, voice conveying equal amounts of awe and concern. He was scared for her when he saw her through the crack in the wall. For a few seconds, he’d thought they’d killed her already. But he knew she was a fighter, and she saved them both that day. 

“It was the best that I could think of at the time. I could barely think, I just knew that we didn’t save your life just so Nathaniel Malick could kill you. There’s a reason Mack made the decision to save you,” she believes. “Why did you stay in recovery with me? You could’ve taken that time to ask someone all of the questions I absolutely know you have about the future.”

“I don’t know,” he answers vaguely at first, then he elaborates. “A multitude of reasons, I guess. I wanted to see that you’d be okay. I didn’t want you to be alone when you woke up. You’re the only person on this plane that I feel like I… I don’t know. I’ve been here for a few days, and I like everyone on the team, but I don’t feel like…”

“You don’t feel like a part of the team yet?”

Daniel nods slightly, furrowing his eyebrows. “I’ve been with you pretty much since the beginning of this whole experience for me.”

“But why? You rescued me from an awful conversation with Gideon Malick in the SHIELD base. You volunteered to come hack into the lighthouse with me, even though you know nothing about computers, and it got you kidnapped. And even after that… every time I ask you for help, you say yes. Even if I don’t ask, you’re waiting here to make sure I rest, or whatever. Why? Be honest.” 

“Honest?” he echoes, partially because he wants to see in her eyes if she wants to hear his truth or if she has no idea. Partially because he’s stalling, feeling embarrassingly nervous to talk to her about his feelings. She nods, so he continues, “I know your type.”

“My what now?”

“I know people like you,” he says, slightly less nervous now. That’s a direct effect of Daisy Johnson. One moment his stomach is turning with nerves, and the next he’s perfectly at ease. He hasn’t felt like that for anyone before. “Some of my favourite people are people like you.” 

He doesn’t mean for that to come out the way it does. In his head, it sounds appropriate, but once it’s out there, it sounds like a full-blown confession that he’s unsure if Daisy picked up. 

Unbeknownst to Daniel, Daisy’s heart rockets when he says that. She’s sure he meant that as an observation rather than a compliment, but she can’t help the way it makes her heart feel.

He breathes in deeply through his nose, feeling his body relax. “Focused on the greater good, even at your own expense,” he proceeds. “You want people to think you like being alone, even though you always end up back with friends. You hate losing-”

Daisy interrupts him, feeling a little overwhelmed, and a little on the defensive side. “Everyone hates losing,” she claims.

“Yeah, but you’ll keep running at the problem full tilt until you either solve it, or slam head-long into a brick wall.”

“Some of those walls are literal,” she confirms, feeling increasingly comfortable having this conversation with him.

“I know!”

“But how does that-”

“Because when people like you run into those walls… you should have someone there to pick you back up,” he interjects in all honesty.

Daisy straightens up, finally feeling like maybe they’re getting somewhere. “And you… you like to…,” she stammers, “be that someone?”

“Not for everyone,” he insists. She nods understandingly, but he carries on until he’s sure she gets his point. “It helps if they’re fun to be around, and if they say what they mean, and if they have that superpower where they can rock things around, which is very impressive,” he confesses, exaggerating his point about the details.

“That’s um… that is awfully specific,” she says with a smile, and he pointedly agrees with her. “Well, it’s nice that we’re on the same page then.”

“We are,” Daniel smiles, causing crinkles to gather round his eyes. 

“Jemma basically said there’s no such thing as the right time. She said there’s no point in waiting because there’s never going to be a right time,” Daisy mentions, now avoiding eye contact with him. 

“Well, she is a genius.”

“Right. But even so…”

“Daisy,” he interrupts, voice soft. He leans towards her a little and touches her hand with light fingertips. “Anything you want,” he promises. 

What she’d wanted was to take things slow with Daniel, for both their sakes. For her personal issues with the concept of loving someone again. For his need to focus on adapting to the times. But sitting here with him, feeling his gentle touch on her bandaged hand, the only thing she can bring herself to do is lean forward and meet his lips with hers. It’s an awkward position for two grown adults to kiss in, still cross-legged, leaning over their own laps to meet in the middle, but his other hand moves to cradle her face, and his lips are soft, and she’s glad she took the leap. 

They can figure the rest out together, she’s sure. They do make a pretty good team. 


End file.
